This isn't so much a story. It was an e-mail to my Dad that was the result of intense boredom, the influence of Midol and the need to have word open so that I could keep my computer in the lab.
Scientists Determine Head-Banging is Bad for Health: A Story of My Day
It all began with the annoying thing where you wake up a half an hour before you are actually supposed to so it's too short of a time to fall back asleep but too long of a time to just lie there and do nothing. Sadly, I tried the latter. Twenty measley minutes later, I was awaken by a shadowy Mom with a towel head. I really shouldn't bother setting my alarm anymore. Still, it's a really awesome song so it's nice to hear at the ungodly hour of 6:30am. I got up and observed my dark, puffy eyes as I do every morning and then forced myself to get ready. In a magically fast hour, I was ready to leave after filling my stomach with some scrumptous oatmeal courtesy of the man in the weird hat. As I traveled along the death trap known as the 10 freeway, I head-banged to my new Paramore CD that was blasting as loud as possible for Ed. Yes, I head-banged and drove. It's a skill. I would later learn, thanks to Yahoo! News, that this is apparently bad for my health. Screw them, it's fun and keeps me awake.
I arrived at "Hey! Let's Build a School on a Fault Line....Oops" way too early. I continued to head bang in my car successfully scaring anyone around me into thinking that I was having a seizure. After I decided to no longer try to kill myself, I walked as slow as humanly possibly to Biology. I like Bio because it reminds me of Twilight which simultaneously makes me happy and pathetic. Luckily for me, my teacher acknowleged this fact and said that we should all ace the subject mentioned in the book. I assured him I would, and would also like to pass the rest of the sections as well. He said that was up to me and I sat there for the next hour asking him about Mars. Why are we learning about Mars in Bio? My next class consisted of writing down the teacher's e-mail and saying "Here". That was it. Usually, I would be overjoyed, but this lead to the beginning of a disgusting five-hour torture session. For the first two hours, I sat and wrote down whatever came into my head. This did nothing except make me realize that I may have to start seeing a therapist again. I also became nauseated by the smell of manure and spent twenty minutes trying to figure out where it was coming from. I never did. I text everyone I knew, threw down my next dose of God's Wonder Drug (For Women) AKA Midol (The one for men is apparently Viagra)and sat and contemplated which floor of the physical sciences building I could jump off of and still survive. It was two moments before I acutally was ready to experiment it all out that I decided it would just be better to come to the computer lab and google anything that came to mind. I still have an hour and a half to kill.
This is quite successfully the longest afternoon ever known to mankind. I fear I shall not make it. In the event that I decide to try my jumping experiment, I would like to leave all my Twilight paraphenalia to the boys so that they may one day learn to sparkle as Edward does. Seriously, he sparkles. You should totally see it. It's hilarious. Oh, he climbs trees like a rabid squirrel too. I freaking hate that movie. And by hate, I mean love unconditionally. Or irrevocably. That's from the book/movie. Check the poster on the back of my door. How do you pronounce that word? I say it one way and they said it another way in the movie which really pissed me off because apparently I've spent my entire life saying it wrong. I came out of the womb, said irrevocably and it was wrong. Dammit. Whatever. She thinks vampires sparkle, she knows nothing. I'm right. So, this concludes the story of my day, thus far. You shall hear the rest later. Oh, please forgive any spelling mistakes. This computer has a good for nothing spell check and I'm on drugs...the legal kind of course. Happy Birthday!
Sincerely with boredom and a head-banging injury,
Your incredibly awkward and cynical daughter
PS: There's a girl on the computer across the lab who's web-camming herself. She's looks like a freaking moron. The end.
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